So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
