someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
