we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
