I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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