yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
