I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
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If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
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Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.