I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial