do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.