Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
