During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
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Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
dude. I can hear the air.
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