Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
