Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
why didn't you poke me back
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
