Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
