the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
