I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
