Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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