he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
