have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
