"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize