GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
