WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
