I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
