I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
