in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
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i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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