just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
