Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
