sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
