after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
