are you still at the devil's house?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
