The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
