Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
