fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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