I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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