I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
love makes seman taste better
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
