I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
