First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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