I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
