My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Still dying that you shit outside
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
