THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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