She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
