Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
