There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
