im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
