SEEEEXXX PLEASE
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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