the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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