I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I cut my penus on the lid.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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