I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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