you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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