I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
