well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
