I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
