i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
