for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
