Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
