I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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