Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
