Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
