Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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