Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
