i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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