Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
