Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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